When we talk about nurture and upbringing, we can not keep mothers particularly women as a separate commodity/entity. keeping this in mind, lets assume if someone has fever because of throat infection, what will the doctor cure first? throat infection or fever? Infection will be targeted which will simultaneously lower down the body temperature. What we fail to comprehend what to prioritize. We focus and work only the things which are just the outcomes and not the root.
For raising stable, competent, righteous children, we need to have the same qualities in the source, that is their parents. in our society, women are considered as burden. Since childhood they are told that they are the guests in the house wand will be a bride and tie a knot (praya dhun). As if she is good for nothing but to be a bride is her only destiny and only thing to acquire for.
In most homes. daughters are not given equal rights in terms of education. Sons are treated like kings who will bring bread and butter to the family and the daughters are on other hand will give a financial shock via dowry.
And if the female child happens to be wife and a mother, then she has no right to take a breathe of her own choice, she is sntitled to serve the family, extended family, cook and entertains dinners, work and work yet she is not given compliment nor her efforts are being recognized. She is criticized at every step. If god forbid, she takes step and gathers courage to complete her studies or to pursue her career and or start a small business which is not affecting her duties, it is said, han bhae sunna hy koi aala qisam ki parhai shuru krdi hy, osse kaho ghar baithe aur bachay palay, jahan maa kaam kre waha bacho k tarbiyat ignore hojati hy. Ohhh how can you empower a woman and let her stand on her two feet? Independent woman are not the material, career oriented are not family maker.
Raising kids is crucial and it is not an option to opt for but a responsibility given by Allah and a mother will be accountable for that. What i am saying is give her some space to have her Me Time, to do something productive which will boost her esteem and self worth.
My heart aches to see women who have given their whole life, beauty, charm for their families and kitchen. Have you seen women flaunting their kitchen hacks, lunch and dinner menus on Facebook. Why they do that? for appreciation, admiration, compliments. The fellow women bombard the post with praise and attention. This is what a woman craves for. They look for these things outside when they don’t get it from home. A daughter who is taking care of a family like a son, doing all outdoors, earning bread for family, has grey hair, she gave up on her wish to get married so her younger siblings can be independent, parents can be taken cared of properly. when the daughter is taken for granted, what is left for her? her heart will be empty and barren.
What about the daughter in laws who do everything to win the hearts of the family, step on their own self respect to strengthen the bond, gave up on their priorities and wishes yet they are being criticized, abused both physically and emotionally.
What about the wives who left their home, identity, ambitions, each and every bit and settle with you. Take care of your needs and becomes your better half. You dont scare her with being caught in prison, you threatens her with the card of Talaaq (azaad kr daine ka khouf). Have you ever though what went through her heart? How shallow she must have felt?
What about the mothers who are sleep deprive, who got through pains of labor and child bearing. It is a 24/7 demanding position. imagine her mental state and inside struggles.
When she is through all these phases and now being a grandmother she feels lonely, depressed because the birds have flew from the nest. She is alone in her nest. She has no strength, no talent left. She spend all what she had for this nest which is empty..
I have heard women complaining about wasting their energies, time, and strength on this nest only. If they would have been little productive in earlier years, and had feed their self with positive inspirations then even with their empty nests they would have not been so helpless and withdrawn.
People will call you feminist when you write for this specific gender, their rights and miseries. However, they tend to ignore the point that The Holy Book has addressed the emotional call and plead of a woman, It has mentioned how the Supreme Authority, Allah has intervened in the emotional state of a woman. Allah has got your back! Stay strong, don’t give up.
Help a mother to help her inner mend her inner breakage and emotional torn. So she can bounce with more courage and love to nurture her kids.